Is This Normal?!

Sleepless night. Not unusual for me. It's not something that is extremely frequent but routine enough for me to know that it's coming. The days that don't go as planned are a sure trigger and a warning sign that sleep will not come quickly.

So here I am. Scrolling through Facebook looking at all of these perfect lives and perfect posts....and although I smile to see all of the positives, is it terrible to say I would love to see someone post a blatantly honest post?! I mean, the one that really tells me about your day??? Like, perhaps, how you turned the house upside down just to find your screaming child a pair of socks because your laundry is piled sky high?! Does that make me a horrible person? I just want to feel a sense of normal, people! These posts are making me feel anything but normal!!! I would post about my horrible day on fb, but, let's be honest, it's gonna take a whole lot more than a sentence or two. Enter blog that I have long forgotten...

Our day started off fairly well, although we did have a search for socks in the sky high laundry. When you have kiddos that are extremely picky about how their socks fit, it is that more difficult. We were at school on time....early even. Win!!!

The fact that my day went down the drain was basically work related. Anyone, who thinks teachers have an 8-3 day, are insane. The summers and holidays are earned and deserved. I take my job seriously....too much so. I just had a million things going through my mind today. It was making me panicked and a little "off." I found out that I have a training tomorrow so I needed to find a sub. How did I forget that one?! OMG! That meant planning for a sub was necessary, too! That's more work than if you would actually be there yourself. I also had a meeting, which is always intended for the good but ultimately makes me feel sub par.  It's Tuesday, people, and, by Wednesday, did I mention that I will have already had three meetings? By weeks end, it will be a total of 5. That's a lot of prep time and overtime. My poor kids have been getting home from school around 6pm lately. We get there at 6:50 am.....total. mommy. guilt. I say all of these things to not make people pity me or realize the amount of effort and time teachers put in. I say these things to get to my point.....

So, I swing by McDs for the kids for dinner. They complain about the length of time it's taking to get there, and, who can blame them? They've only been up since 5:50 am!!!! They argue. They fight. They are all seated in the middle row....no one wants to sit in the back!!! Close proximity means touching....by touching I mean hitting. Hitting creates screaming....all while I try to order and check in with my mom by phone. Have you ever begged your children? I mean, literally pleaded with them so sincerely that they can see desperation in your face and hear it in your voice?...and they stop doing whatever it is that you are begging them to stop if just for a moment or two? I was at that point. My voice was cracking as I pleaded. I may have had a tear or two rolling down my face. They were quiet for the rest of the ride home.

When we got home, I sent the kids to the table with their fast food and they ate alone. I folded clothes. What has happened? I once cooked dinner frequently and we ate together. I simply don't know what has happened to my time!!!  Homework time didn't start until 7pm with baths to follow.

I sat with Cam tonight doing his homework and I looked at him....just looked at him. Then, I realized, "Wow. When have I done that?! When have I had the chance or taken the time to sit and really take it all in and look at how truly special they are?" We go through the motions. Many times they talk to me and I answer, "Uh-huhhhh." I don't even look up. I'm guilty.

I know my bad day is all about me. There are no horror stories about the kids that will leave me laughing later. It. Just . Makes. Me. Sad.

So, there it is. Honesty. Please tell me I'm normal.