Back to School Battles

I had a moment the other night. As I lay watching Faith sleep, it hit me...only two more weeks before I head back to work. No more snuggling until after 8:00 am. No more jumping in the car to find something to do. No more pool dates with the family. What hit me the hardest? Faith and Cameron are heading to school, too. Yep, I had a moment. An overwhelming, I can't breathe because I'm crying so hard moment....and it was for a variety of reasons. Sure, it's sad that they are growing up, but that isn't the only reason that I had/have this lump in my throat...this heavy heart. I have this overwhelming sense of guilt and sense of uncertainty. First of all, their entering school has confirmed the fact that I will NOT get to stay home with them during their early years....hence the guilt. I REALLY hate the fact that they will be heading out SO EARLY with me (6:30 am)...hence the guilt. I also feel bad that I am placing them in a program five days per week for a full day.....enter the uncertainty. I'm not sure that I have made the right decision, here....and I will be honest in saying that having them enter Headstart was not my first choice. I would much rather have them at a church program to ease them into school....but then we had the problem of transporting them and affording it. So, I think that's what is worse......feeling guilty and being uncertain. Then, I have this looming concern ahead: What will we do in the near future?! Where will they go to school in years to come?!.....enter the guilt and uncertainty AGAIN. Should I be searching harder (or actually searching) for another job? Why didn't we think of education when we built a house?!  The list goes on and on.  UGH!!!

ANYWAY, I literally have tearful moments everyday, now. On a lighter note, Cameron seems quite ready for school. I teared up in front of him after he told me that he would be "brave" at school. When I did, he said, "I be back, Momma. I come back." Yep, I'm gonna' cry typing!!! We have purchased bookbags and tennis shoes. Faith has a princess book bag while Cameron went with camo.  I think that Faith will miss our summer adventures. She woke up the other day and said, "I want to do something special!" She is such a mess! When we did a painting using an egg dipped into paint, I thought that was something special. Faith claimed, "We shoulda' just used a paintbrush. I wanta' to something willy special." Can't win for losing! As for Mallory, she is talking more than ever, and she thinks that she is going to school, as well. We are trying to make her understand that she will not. :(  I also feel guilty that she will be here by herself.

Although I  know that there are far greater troubles in this world, I am still a bit upset by all of this...no matter how minor it may seem to some. Praying that all will work well and that I won't let my emotions get the best of me. :) 

Not sure if I have posted these before, but I ran across them when frantically trying to catch up with developing!