...and how would that make YOU feel?

WARNING: Venting Session

SO, it's been a long week. Back to school is officially here. Although I am excited about the new ideas that I have for this school year, I can not deny that I was crying the night before teachers were to report. Leaving the kiddos was hard and remains to be so....

I usually leave the house around 6:30am, so the kids are normally in bed. That's right...I don't even get to see them before I go. Well, it might be better that way. I am not sure that I could leave their smiling faces each day. Anyway, I do my best to be home before 4:30, but when I get home, the routine of cooking and preparing for the next day begins. Not to mention that I give 100% on the job....treating children that are NOT mine as they ARE mine. I love those kids, but I am usually left exhausted at the end of the day. Therefore, I feel like I do not or can not give 100% at home.  What kind of mother is that???!!!....well....a very guilty one.

I am very fortunate to have a great sitter here at home....WONDERFUL. Sure, there are things that we see...differently, but words can not express how great she is. So great, however, that the kids called her "Momma" this week....and seems to do so a lot.  Well, that was just a slap in the face....A HARD ONE. I did not hear it and I am not sure that I fully believe it (since the kids tend to call the name of MaMa and DaDa when we are not here), BUT it hurts. I am already kicking myself, and I come home to hear that the kids are calling the sitter, "MaMa."  Okay, who would even tell a mother that ANYWAY???....especially one that is having a hard time leaving the kiddos in the first place. WHATEVER.

What irritates me even more, is that people don't seem to get why this is upsetting to me. HELLLOOOO!! Geez. Cody, however, has been wonderful. He totally gets it. There are a few (and you know who you are), that have been really understanding and have been great to me as I vent!

Then, I am reminded of those lovely people, who think that I can just up and quit my job to stay home.  I was once told (months ago), however, that I would be "surprised" by what we could do with only one person working....insinuating that we could do without some things in order for me to stay at home. OKAY...I think that I know what I can and can not do. If that person meant giving up our home and all modes of transportation, then, SURE...I guess that I could just quit.....

I know this blog sounds immensely bitter...and I guess I am in a sense. However, DO know that I am immensely THANKFUL. Each morning, I thank God for a job that enables me to touch the lives of children each day and allows me to be at home with my children for all holidays. I thank God for a sitter that we couldn't do without. I'm just a bit sensitive this week.

Things will get better and easier as they do each year. AND...if there is one thing that I know for SURE...Faith, Cameron, and MJ know who their momma is....they have only called for me a million times today! :)