A Mother of Five

Oh, I am so sorry to disappoint. If you got super pumped by the title, I am happy to say, "NO! We are NOT expecting twins again!!!" Although I am sure that would be a GREAT topic of discussion, it is NOT the case....thank goodness!!!

No, this post is a rather reflective one....

So, those of you that know us, recall that we suffered two miscarriages before we had the twins. It was a very trying time.  Unless you have experienced it, you can never imagine what it's like. It's a roller coaster of emotions. You are filled with grief and sadness. You then go through a period of blaming yourself..."...if only I had..." Then, and this emotion was probably the very worst, pure anger and jealousy. I could not understand WHY this was happening to me over and over. I did not want to look at or see any other pregnant woman. I did not want to be around newborns. Oh, how I prayed about having such terrible feelings. I knew that it was so wrong of me, but it was uncontrollable. Anyway, that's how I felt for a short time. Then, I was blessed with the twins....

I have not had much time to think about the miscarriages since the twins were born. Of course, it comes to mind on the dates when I found out that I was pregnant (with those that I lost) or when their predicted birthdays roll around. I think about it when others I know are forced to face the same tragedy of losing their baby. The emotions are still there. You think that, oh, I'm okay with it, now. Then, you hear of someone miscarrying or see it on television, and you cry, and cry.

Which brings me to WHY I am writing this post. I am reading the BEST book: "Heaven is for Real." It's great. To sum it up, it's a true story about a little boy, who, while fighting for his life, had a brief visit in Heaven. When he recovered, he began to tell his mom and dad things that they KNEW he would have never known unless his story was really true: He had gone to Heaven and come back.  One day, the little boy announced to his mother that he had TWO sisters. The mother thought he was greatly confused, since he really only had one. The little boy insisted that he had TWO sisters, because, in his words, "You had a baby die in your belly, mommy." Of course, the mother (knowing of her previous miscarriage), was shocked.  Her son continued to tell her that it was a little girl, who looked like his other sister. Then (and this is one really GOT me), he said that his sister said that she couldn't wait to see her mom and dad in heaven.

What a beautiful thing!!! We have two little ones just waiting on us in heaven. Of course, I always thought this would be the case, but this book really CONFIRMED it for me. It's such an inspirational book! Very uplifting and encouraging. READ IT!!!